Wednesday, April 30, 2008

New Rules from across the political axis

It's time to pay tribute to Bill Maher with my own set of New Rules!

New Rule: If the Eucharist is the literal body and blood of Christ, then Hannibal Lecter should be the pope. For two thousand years the Catholic Church has tried to tell us that eating these crackers and wine will save them because once ingested they literally turn into Jesus's body. But strangely enough, cannibalism as part of one's path to salvation is starkly missing from Scripture.

New Rule: If you are offended by any works of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, not only do I not care about your feelings, I don't care if you get rammed in the ass by a rampaging rhino. Anyone that sensitive needs to leave the free world faster than you can say Isaac Hayes.

New Rule: Don't call a blatant lie a mistake...HILLARY. Unless, you're simply acknowledging that trying  to feed us bullshit about getting shot at in Bosnia in the '90s was a stupid move. I don't know what was going through Billary's head when she tried to tell us an entirely different story than the one clearly told by the footage of her and Chelsea arriving in the Balkans, but what I can tell you is either she thought no one would call her bluff or learned a little too well from hubby how to spin a story.

New Rule: Guilt by association is not guilt at all so get off Barack Obama's ass about Jeremiah Wright. A country that elected George W. Bush for a second term after hearing the shit flying out of his mouth has no right to criticize Senator Obama for not booking from Trinity United Church when screws were going loose in Wright's head.

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